So many changes, but it all stays the same

Isn't it remarkable how we can think of our lives as so huge while we are so incredible small! Today I feel small, not for any particular reason, just a feeling of being dust =) It is easy to think of this as related to something, maybe I have been feeling down or blue. That might be, but I have also at the same time had some very great loving days.. It is not that!

I hope I am not alone thinking that life is something grand given to us in some way (won't take that discussion further), and it is nothing less then remarkable, at this day in age impossible to understand in full and something to value in it's fullest. Every day I do some act or speak words throwing that value out the door. This will hardly change the way I am, but I ask myself by what right do I put myself down, do I doubt my own believes and convictions? Not saying that I have the right or wrong believes and/or convictions. I am saying something about when I doubt them or push them away I do this on the wrong foundation. The thing I so strongly believe in; to believe and be your own person- it is having a hard time surviving this world. There is of course always a limit to everything, I do not believe to give others grief because I chose differently. What I do believe is to have the courage to live the life that has been given, and to live this the best way you can.
Is it to be able to by all the things you want? Maybe to eat the correct food, wallow in food? Is it to be the perfect parent, to bring all the cute little princesses home for dinner? It could be academic greatness or achievements at work? What about seeing the world or experiencing the big high in the Hawaiian waves? I do not know what I am asking of me, but by this time I start to know what others are expecting. In many ways I live up to that. So be it, I can compromise some parts of me without breaking down to dust... But I do feel I am loosing a bit to much. This year I am not sure who has been running, but I sure have missed that fast lane. In retrospect I meet my self and greet myself: ¿qué pasa?
I have no idea... Well without bringing up more of my bad Spanish (this was probably it, hehe) I will give the confession to my blogg that I am totaly lost at this moment!
The good thing is that, if I were to put the one; there is only one - sad moment away from my mind. Then, then I certainly can say I am happy... just not sure if it is of my own doing or someone elses?
Hehe... Now I am confusing myself even =)
And ending it by those words, I will, as always, try to find someone elses words as the last (just proves my point, doesn't it!?!)

In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination.

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

The phrases that men hear or repeat continually, end by becoming convictions and ossify the organs of intelligence.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)